"ONE OF US" - God walked this Earth!!!

" If God had a name, What would it be

Cartoon: Baby Jesus, Mary & Joseph at stable with livestock

and would we call it to His face
If you were faced with Him in all His glory?
What would you ask if you had just one question?

And yeah, yeah, God is great
Yeah, yeah, God is good
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make His way home?"
Lyrics to Jane Osborne's "One of Us" single.

You'll find all sorts of criticisms on this song. Some call it a challenge to humans to think of God as a person living on this planet, instigating a reverence for humanity assuming they reverence God. Others claim it was a pagan attempt to discredit the existence of God reducing Him to a mere mortal...but does either argument matter? The existence of God is a fact only real to mankind by virtue of faith.

Tell me, how else does the sun come up and go down, subsequently alerting the moon to do the opposite? How else do the waves of the sea come into dry land enough to just get our feet wet and then graciously roll in tide back into the mass waters; anything different proving catastrophic? How else does the air we breathe keep its existence promising to never to go extinct? There has to be a hand behind all these familiar yet wondrous acts. Maybe this person is who we call God.
What if He really is the slob or the stranger on the bus? I mean Jesus did say, "Whatsoever you do to the least of your brothers that you do unto me". An acclamation that he harbors existence on this planet through each and every one of us. Maybe we do look at His face and experience His glory even in the simple action of looking in the mirror. The simplicity yet complexity of His nature is mind blowing.

A King shows His splendor by stepping down from His throne to become like His subjects. It is amazing how inconsistency only proves His consistence in being ALL POWERFUL. The idea made marvelous in its irony. The Awe in the expect d's presentation in an unexpected way.

'The Cattle are lowing, the baby awakes
but little Lord Jesus no crying He makes"

A babe in the arms of a woman in the middle of stable surrounded by livestock, probably unaware of the great privilege in the experienced in the birth of Emmanuel.

"Oh come oh come Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel"



Penzi Amani, Gospel Artist/blogger
Music: (www.reverbnation.com/PenziAmani)

This baby boy would be the deliverance of the nation Israel which would consist of not only the traditional Jews but also those who would be grafted to the stem by simple act of belief. "For God so loved the world He gave His only Son that whomever believed in Him would not perish but have everlasting life. " (John 3:16)  and Yes He was one of us. Made to experience humanity in being human. He learned and walked in our ways, his lesson it is possible to fulfill destiny even though a human working against the numerous perils that come with the flesh.

"Gloria in excelsis deo (Glory in the Highest)"

The ambience at the praise of the King finally in His walk towards Glory which would be continued in 247 praise when He finally comes back home from conquering all.
So yes He did walk among us. If humans are generally slobs, He was a slob like one of us. Just as humans are strangers, He was a stranger on this bus of life. But He did not just try, He made it home. In making it home He made a way for us to get home. I remember a song we sang often in middle school

"God will make a way, where the seems to be no way, He works in ways we cannot see...God will make a way"

In executing a strange sequence of unequivocal  events He levelled the plains and made a clear pathway for us to get home. AMAZING!!!

"For God so loved the world He gave His only Son that whomever believed in Him would not perish but have everlasting life. " (John 3:16)
So do you believe???


Penzi Amani

TOGETHER WE CAN END AIDS - AARTH Benefit Concert

"Kaze Daiko Taiko Group perform at the Together We Can End AIDs Concert."

TOGETHER WE CAN END AIDS was the theme of a Concert sponsored by African Americans Reach and Teach Health (AARTH) Ministry and a host of community partners in celebration of World AIDS Day. The Concert was held at the Langston Hughes Performance Arts Institute who partnered with AARTH to bring to life what would be presented as your usual cultural World AIDS Day celebration but undoubtedly had an even stronger message. It started off with the rhythmic drumming of the Kaze Daiko Taiko Group, followed by an outstanding performance by Vellvett dubbed the best gospel rapper in Seattle who is famous for the "Sea-Hawks Anthem, We Run This City.

 

The event was brought to pin drop silence when He took center stage. He said he didn’t speak good English so he brought a friend to help translate his speech which he gave in Spanish.

 



"Vellvett (SeaHawks Anthem)
 performs at AARTH benefit concert"

Like many others He is an immigrant living in the United States. He explained his shock and dismay after a doctor’s visit where he learned he was HIV positive. The shock from the news seemed to drown his very existence, and as if this was not enough the stigma from his own country men would alienate him from society. This is probably because they assumed he was an adulterer/fornicator, after all AIDS is a curse. In their minds he was destined for death and they wanted no part in it. So he made a conscious decision to not disclose his status except to very few trusted friends.

 He made sure it remained under wraps. He needed to face the rest of the world with some dignity but instead he ended up robbing himself of the same as he suffered in silence. He centered his mind around the disappointment at himself for not being "careful" enough. Daily he looked at his own face in the mirror and probably wondered how long it would take to lose the mussels in his face, see he remembers the picture of the bedridden AIDS patients from Africa, aired in a distasteful documentary. What he did not know was the person sitting next to him could very well have been going through the exact same turmoil. A battle against self, it wasn't until he chose to break his silence in a support group that he finally found solace in others who were like him. In this place they shared their burden with each other.

 

In addition to his HIV status he lived with no legal documentation.  Lack of proper identity would only make it harder to gain treatment. He said, "At times I felt like I was in a tunnel and there was no hope for me". I could not possibly comprehend his state of mind but his story is the story of many other HIV positive immigrants living in America.



"Ronald Corset, Event M-CEE...
Together We Can End AIDs concert 2014"

Given the number of years he had lived with the virus this man, seemingly in his middle age years contracted the virus in his early to mid twenties. I know what you are thinking. "Well it is not unheard of for young males to indulge in risky sexual activities" . "He was probably sleeping around with random people without protection". We can easily make the assumption but let me introduce you to this beautiful damsel. I promise her story will challenge every stereotype.

 

Confident even in her demeanor, she walks on to center stage. She is in a red sweater dress and knee high boots, very stylish in my opinion. She looks nothing like the picture of AIDs shown on TV of the dying person who is begging for a wet cotton swab to moisturize their dry mouth. This absolutely beautiful woman is full of life and hope there is no sorrow in her story. She oozes of positive attitude towards her condition; she calls it a "blessing".  She testifies that her diagnosis made her a better person, willing to love and embrace people. Her experience put her on the other end of stereotype (they would now point fingers at her) but she was willing to step out and become the voice of individuals afflicted by the virus. Like the preceding speaker she was shocked at the news of her diagnosis but luckily she was got treatment sooner than her counterpart who only started the Antiretroviral (ARV) drugs after years of infection but get this, I promised I would challenge stereotype. She was infected in the confines of her own home by her spouse. No, she wasn't sleeping around!!!

 

Contrary to common belief it does not take irresponsible sexual relations with multiple partners for a person to contract the virus. It only takes one time with an infected partner.

The first speaker has lived with the virus for almost two decades; the latter has lived with the virus for almost a decade. Irrespective of how both of these individuals contracted the virus they both had one message. They stressed the most important step, HIV testing for all. Early detection of the virus allows better health management, which means higher chances of living a long life. There are support groups that help individuals living with the virus deal with emotional trauma that results from the news of their positive status.

 



Rev. Mary Diggs-Hobson (AARTH Director) & Penzi Amani (Christian Artist),

final tribute...TOGETHER WE CAN END AIDS Benefit concert

In the City of Seattle there are various groups offering testing services. AARTH, founded and directed by Rev. Mary Diggs-Hobson looks to reach and educate the black community about HIV/AIDS. They look to educate the Black community on how to protect one’s self from contraction the virus and maintain good health in the event a person is found to be HIV positive. AARTH also provide access to free testing services and give information on the many community/public health resources that offer care and treatment for those who are positive. AARTH presents a safe haven for people that have been affected by the disease. Among the different avenues of outreach are concert events like the one I just described, annual conferences, on Women and HIV, Gospel of Healing and Social Behavioral health training for providers & community members.


 



 Rev Mary Diggs-Hobson is an example of a person who refused to sit back and watch her community die of AIDS or remain ignorant because of stigma. Taking on this noble task however has its hardships. She explains that among the organization endures a lack of funding and manpower. She continues in absolute resilience because she believes it will take you and me to eliminate this disease hence the mantra, TOGETHER WE WILL END AIDS IN OUR GENERATIION!!!

Complete Roster of Performing artists- AARTH Benefit Concert
(TOGETHER WE CAN END AIDS 2014)

 

Volunteers are invited to participate in this noble cause. Please register at their official website. Well-wishers willing to donate for the cause can find instructions from their website www.aarth.org . Future education and community events are also posted on the organization’s Facebook page. Free testing and counseling services will be provided at these events. Be advised HIPAA laws are observed as per the Privacy Rule located at 45CFR, protecting all medical records. You are welcome to also check out the complete list of amazing artists who performed at the Concert at (www.facebook.com/aarthorg).

 

Post written by: Sharon Njuguna (Penzi Amani)

Photo Credits: DC Productions and Film

 

 



SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE; What is really behind the Strip Shaming Incidents

It is 2 am and no sleep…instead I am writing. The image of the raping incident is still very vivid; I am unable to ignore the horrific incident, Strip Shaming/Public rape. If you watched that video there is no way you are not vexed. You’d have to be inhuman. It was a horror movie enacted in our capital, Nairobi.

While I am angry and disheartened because I question where humanity is headed, while the woman in me wants every person involved to pay the capital penalty for their actions, I find myself stepping into the shoes of this woman lying on the ground in fetal position, covering her face because she cannot believe the events are actually happening. They insult her but she it’s all a haze, she covers her eyes probably hoping she will wake up and it is just a dream.  Only to be jostled into panic because someone suddenly pulls her leg in one direction, because his thirst for the visual of her privates had to be quenched. Another comes and pulls the other leg, followed by another then a light bulb goes off. “Einstein” just had a “Eureka” moment, “Wanaume ndio hii pipa (Men I present the public trash can)”. She tries to fight them off but she is overpowered. Someone finally gets their hands-on practical lesson of how to stuff a turkey only they tried it on a human being. Disgusting right, I know?

Let me guess, she deserved it. After all she was indecently dressed. She asked for it.  Would someone post the before video, because I just realized I have not seen any evidence of this indecent exposure. I do see the men indecently exposing and touching them. We were able to record the during/after video, why’d you leave out the before story?

I was a form 2 student, after a day of assisting my mother with business errands she decided to send me home ahead of her with some groceries, which was not unusual. I did not have much fashion sense then. I had on a pair of jeans, we called them hipsters, a shirt and a hoody. I loved my sweats. For shoes I wore a pair of sneakers I bought from Gikomba. I had a cross duffle bag, which was the in thing at the time and in my hand I were some tomatoes and sukumawiki in a plastic bag. I walked from Ngara to Kariokor to find a matatu, there was traffic going all the way to town and it didn’t help that it was raining.  All of a sudden there was a black out. Thank you very much KPLC. If you know Kariokor, you know there is a camp of street boys that can turn on you any minute. So when it got dark I immediately got scared because I knew I was in trouble.

 I hear a voice from behind me say, “Sister, unaenda wapi (sister where are you going).”

I responded, “ Natafuta number nne (I am waiting for bus route 4)”

“OK ingia tutakupeleka (come in we’ll take you home)”, he said as he stepped out of the matatu and opened the sliding door wider for me to enter.

Just when I was about to enter I noticed there were many male shadows in the back which made me very uncomfortable, immediately the driver said, “ Apana haikai nyuma anakaa mbele (No she will not sit in the back she will sit on the driver’s passenger seat)”.

Immediately after he said that there was an uproar from the men in the back, “Wee wacha tunajua unataka tu kum-manga peke  yako”. They retaliated because they felt an opportunity had been lost.

Naturally I hesitated in getting into the matatu altogether. It was however going onto 8pm and again I am at Kariokor. The driver reassured me to get in and nothing would happen to me. I sat next to the door and I kid you not my hand rested on the door knob the entire journey. If anyone would pull a stunt I was ready to jump out and die on the roadside than be gang raped. The whole trip was very unsettling, because derogatory speech was made about me to the driver in response to my sitting next to him rather than in the back. This Angel of a man continued to reassure me that no harm would come to me. When I got to the final bus stop he saw to it I was in safe distance before he let me go. Very young and not knowing how to pray I ran home grateful for my savior the matatu driver.  This was one among many other events where I was fortunate to have someone, speak for me. Now a Christian I am aware God protected me and would not let my assailants molest me.

Let’s back track a little bit. Say I had sat in the back, what do you think would have happened? What excuse do you think they would have given? Would they not have said that I asked for it? Would they not have used my hipster as the reason for them raping me in the name of it being tempting? How many people would have stood up for me? I tell you what they would say. “She must have done something to insinuate that she wanted it.” “There must have sent ‘missed signals’.” “Why did she get in that matatu, didn’t she see it was dark inside?”  Instead of support, I would have gotten the brunt of the deal.

I count myself fortunate but there are many who were not so lucky. They were assaulted and then branded as whores. Instead of getting vindication and support they were turned away, in some cases molested again by Police Authorities.

I refuse to blame the stripping events on dress code, after all there is no proof the individuals were indecently presenting themselves. It is all hearsay. I know full well that it very possible such allegations were only made to turn away the real Issue. Victims that have come forth to speak on the attacks have one unanimous claim. Someone made a pass at them and they rejected it. The solicitors then turned ballistic and started ripping their clothes off, the genesis of their nightmare. Having grown up in Eastleigh, the “blame the woman” game is not foreign, so I believe these women. What’s unfortunate is very few harken to the victims cry, sad but true.

The disregard of the female sex among Kenyans is evident even in Parliament. I am curious to know how long it took to pass the Polygamy bill and waiting to see how long it will take to implement policies protecting women from these SEX CRIMES. No wait, there is a demand to ban clothing and pretty much decide what a woman is going to wear….hmmh I  don’t know about you but I hear dominate. Let’s talk about this Polygamy bill. When a man, your husband, decides to bring another woman to the household in the name of it being legal, what message is he really sending to you? Is he not saying you are not good enough? In taking on another bride without so much as a courtesy alert to you, is he not silencing your say in the home? Why is he taking on another bride anyway, what happened to being content? If he can bring another woman to your matrimonial home, no questions asked, then what of the financial decisions? The woman obviously would have no say after all the man can out of the blue decide to feed five other mouths in a whim. Is it also legal for a woman to find another husband to “fill the gaps” left unfulfilled by her current husband? I mean if we stand for equal rights then we should all be replaceable right? How then can we partner to build our homes if our women are unsettled in their own homes? Am I wrong in pointing this out as another point of Control and Manipulation because the woman must “behave” or she will be replaced? Let’s speak in condor, what instigates physical abuse our homes? Why should anyone feel a need to take matters of another person’s closet who they do not know into their own hands? Do you see a trend…it is all a tactic to control. I know, you will point out that events of domestic violence by women, I do not advocate for any form of violence except in self-defense, yes it is every person's right to defend themselves, but could it be these were women exasperated by years of ill-treatment? Think about it.

A woman should be able to voice indifferent opinion in every arena, be it in business, in church, in her home, in her community.  Forced submission is slavery. Allow a woman to freely give up her will and she will if she feels honored. Her voluntary submission is called Respect.

We might frown upon her representation of her members in some cases, but instead of a strike respond with a gentle touch. If a woman says no to an advance, a gentleman should graciously concede. To turn ballistic is a demonstration of hate and disrespect in the refusal to honor her will to not engage in dialogue. Even in the course of consent which then takes a turn where she changes her mind, the other party should concede. A woman has a Right to say No!!! Continued advances are inappropriate and should be labelled as crimes.

With that said I pray for the men, I pray for my government, I pray for my fellow women. I see much more than the issues at hand. I see a broken society  full of deep rooted issues. I see fear not only in the women but in men because they feel misplaced. They fear that if they allow the feminine voice to speak they lose their place as heads in their homes so they turn to oppressing tactics. If we are going to grow as a nation we cannot continue like this; we set ourselves back. We are all assets in community. We all need each other.  Men are visionaries, women execute the vision, but if we live in suspicion of each other’s vendetta how then can we work together. We should be able to trust each others ambition to be the betterment of society not selfishness. In resentment we are unable to work together as partners, which was and still is the original purpose of our existence.  As the oppressing tactics continue the woman will always fight to stay afloat. She will rebel because her person needs to be alive and will not embrace chains. Nurture it and she will concede to your will. Let’s meet each other half way. Let’s all get along.  Let’s love.

I will stop, I have spoken my piece.  (Breathe In, Breathe Out)

I wish I could do more, Lord Help Us!!!

Yours Truly,

Penzi Amani

 

LOVE 'EM, DON'T STRIP 'EM!!!

It has been a while since I last blogged. I guess it would be the unfortunate incident of a fellow woman being stripped naked in public in the name of "kufunza adabu"(discipline), that would instigate a come back.

I am appalled that in 2014 my fellow Kenyans choose to act so uncouth. It was my expectation that with the integration of technology and education, that we at least learn to employ the simple concept of being civil. I guess not. Evidently we missed a class or two. Or maybe what we need is a quick refresher course. My minute yet invaluable intelligence would lead me to google and from an online source (Dictionary.com) I found this very simple definition. Please allow me to indulge you in its light.

Civil (Adjective) : Adhering to the norms of polite social engagement, not deficient in common courtesy.

From the same source was this very well structured sentence. "After their disagreement, their relations were civil though not cordial."

 Both illustrations unanimously demonstrate this fact, to be Civil you need not agree with the other party. You need not even be excited about their company but you demonstrate Common Courtesy, deserved by simple virtue of them being human.

Note: To be Civil you need not Agree.

I admit, I do feel that we ladies do need to check our dress code. A longer skirt, an extra button wouldn't hurt but I also recognize that standards of decency are more of a cultural issue than a matter of religious protocol. What I consider modest/classy to another could very well be trashy. A pencil skirt isn't modest in every person's eyes. Some people feel we should wear mumus to look modest others find it highly unattractive. With these differences one thing rings true, it is impossible to govern dressing on the streets.

Dressing in itself is a way of expression.  What we should look to do is deal with inward issues which now reflect on the outside. Stripping and humiliating a woman, running their self worth down to the ground is not how we make it better. I have seen more plumbers cracks in my day than I care for, especially at religious events. Don't get me started on the discolored boxers, but does that warrant me pulling their pants down because I feel a need to "help" them give a free show? Absolutely not, Now I might buy you a gallon of bleach. The human being in me however must have a respect for the presence of another human being whether I agree with their presentation of themselves or not. For all I know they are probably wearing a hand me down and cannot afford a belt. Maybe they lack in basic Home Ed and it was just a case of color running over their white briefs/boxers because they did not know to separate the whites from the coloreds. Maybe they are simply unaware of how unkempt they look, the possibilities are endless.

Gentlemen, I call you gentle because I hope it sparks some humanity in you, did it ever occur to you that she lost a button from her blouse on her way out and just realized it while in a matatu and it was too late to get back home, or that she gained a few pounds and just does not have the money to buy fitting pants. I can hear you scoff saying "No Way", but I put it to you as a possibility that is very real. Until you get your conclusion from the horse's mouth you ride on speculation. Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge, Just when you think you know, You Don't!!!

I know many men that deliberately choose to show their knickers because in their minds they believe they are wearing shorts but I hate to break it to you. When you have washed it so many times, the fabric is see through. When we cannot bare to look at you directly because we are afraid we will have a perfect view of your huuhah, honey you NEED to pull up your pants.  Well we could choose to make you a public spectacle by shouting the suggestion "vuta suruali, unatuonyesha nini " and even follow it up with a sneer, but wouldn't it be a better approach for one of us to buy you a belt or better yet a pair of new pants just incase the problem is really a lot more than I can possibly comprehend or for you to communicate? An even simpler approach would be set you apart and let you know your privates are in public display.

I implore all humanity to participate in the simple act of employing grace in the form of simple courtesy. You don't have to say a word of hello but you DON'T NEED to hurl insults. You don't have to give a hug but you DON'T NEED to rip their clothes off either. It is not our business to reprimand dress code, REALLY!!! I promise you a simple gesture of a shawl to cover a skirt too short, or a jacket to cover an over exposed burst will do much more  than stripping an individual.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins " 1Peter 4:8 (NIV)

It is unfortunate that many Christian men applaud this very disgraceful act against these sisters,Yes they are your sisters. As if to say that grace accorded to these women is not sufficient for the act of indecent exposure. God forbid the blood of Jesus be applicable to this very heinous crime of showing some mammal features, but off course indulgence in masturbation and pornography in these accusers is definitely forgivable. After all nobody saw them, it happened in the "secret place" whose secrecy might I add is compromised fully by God's full nature of being Omnipresent. Forget the fornication that ended up in an unplanned pregnancy followed by total irresponsibility by act of refusing to assist in the rearing of the child they so happily helped create. Noo...it wasn't hard enough she had to carry the child for nine months but now she has to raise this child on her own, can I hear #Deadbeat. But off course she asked for it, she lay on that bed but we forget there was a farmer laying there with her ready to "plough" and "sow". Plough and sow he did like a pro because we now see the fruits he now refuses to tender to. But nooo lets turn away the side eye and give it to the young teenage girl who is dressing skimpy because she saw Beyonce in a corset and laces panties, instigating a misguided need to follow what's trendy. These same men secretly enjoy a Beyoncé video in the privacy of their homes #DoubleStandards.

Lets be serious! Lets be real! Lets be just! Aren't we all on the same boat? Aren't we all sinners going to hell? Since when did a man's righteousness save him?  The only thing salvaging us from fate, is Jesus and the sacrifice He made for us.

Come on people, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with that judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use it will measured back to you," Mathew 7:1-2 (NKJV). Are you really squeaky clean?


 I feel badly for these women, because I understand clearly the effect such abuse would have on their person let alone their reputation. I feel even worse for those who participated in and even supported such abuse regardless of them being male or female (yes you), because in their indignation they forgot the greatest virtue, love.  I pray that we choose to love and not hate. I pray that before we cast the stones we soo readily hold in our hands we first stop to look into the mirror.

"...Let him who is without sin cast the first stone...", John 8:7 (ESV)

 It is simple, "for all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God", Romans 3:23 (NIV). Therefore lets us deal with each others inadequacies with compassion respecting other human beings.

There you have it, my rant complete. Blessings y'all...<3 <3 <3

Respect,
Penzi Amani

HE IS OUT TO GET YOU: Where Destiny Pursuit is applied is a Battle Field, Our weapons of warfare are not carnal.

James 1:2-4 (NIV), " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Have you ever noticed that just when you make a step forward, just when you are about to breakthrough, a person/situation comes along to demoralize you? I know I have...just when I reach  a little further for my ambitions, just when I go an extra mile and I am enjoying the sweet savor of success. Then does my car decide to choke, or my phone falls down and breaks, or someone decides to make a smirk comment. If I counted the many misfortunes I have had to endure right on the verge of a breakthrough I would be right to consider myself accursed. I promise you, it sometimes feels like the universe is trying to convey the message, you are really not all that-Kula hio (bite that)!!!

Just the other day after a production that was huge for me....Am not going to tell you which, if you need to know check out my Facebook Fan page ~Penzi Amani~. Myself and the crew had an amazing time, shooting for the film production. I was on my way home....listening to my worship cd as usual. I am singing along, crying and speaking in tongues because, look at what the Lord has done. In my mind I am in a dreamer's palace...I can see my episode on MTV cribs. Please don't laugh...my dreams are VERY much valid. The ride is nothing out of the ordinary until I come to a red light.

So my car starts to bounce, but instead of moving up and down its jerking back and forth. At this point, I am thinking....I know I am not driving a low-rider, I sure didn't install no hydraulics. I have just had an oil change those Jiffy Lube people better not have given me low quality oil, I will sue them. All these thoughts are running through my mind, note I stopped praying and being thankful, I am now borderline cursing. Frustrated enough to do it but cognitive enough to keep my mouth shut. Y'all know what I mean, some of y'all let it rip. So my car gives up on me and I am like Jesus what should I do now. You know I ain't gat this, Lord help me.

I try to turn my ignition...no response...my dash has a beautiful array of orange and red colors. I try it again...this time the motorists behind me are not so happy every one is honking. I say to myself well they better plan to fly over me cause this car aint going no where. I understand their frustration but there is nothing much I can do. So I apply my hazard signal and try the ignition switch again. This time it starts up but it doesn't last long. I try a third time and phew its up, I hit the gas pedal, Oh My!!! Southbend, Indiana here I come. Driving a horse and buggy carriage feels like flying compared to this thing. I am literally driving at five miles an hour on a forty Mph speed zone.

I finally get it to a mechanic and after numerous tests/assessments the verdict is that my catalytic converter is blocked. Until that day I had heard of no such thing as a catalytic converter, am thinking it is something in the nature of a spark plug. Optimistic that there is a possibility for resolution I ask how much it is, the answer I get drops my jaw. We are talking $1500...I had driven the car for a while now and I knew full well the blue book value for the car was just a little over the stated amount. There was no way it made economical sense to fix the car. The wisest option would be to sell the car and purchase another but of course the car is broken so I wasn't going to get much from it if anything.
As if I didn't have enough responsibility on my plate here comes another...I have to buy a car. I need a car, see in the United States driving is not a luxury. Given the poor unreliable transport systems sweet heart, a car becomes your transportation lifeline or else you don't have a life because you're crippled in your house.

Frustrated, panic stricken, I am thinking...what to do, what to do, Jesus why now...In babyish voice I Go, " I tithe". Its true I do and I expect that God should rebuke the devourer on my behalf....why is he(the devil) devouring my car, like literally? I can go on and on...probably the write a novel, maybe a movie script and call it "The Car", but am sure you get where I am driving at. My point is I was basking in the goodness of success, a little glimmer of hope in me accomplishing something I really wanted to do. My moment is ruined...by this unfortunate event but what happens next is what really gets me...because while I am technically crying out to God and I am reminded that "All things work together for good to those that trust the Lord and are called according to His purpose". I identified the situation only as a distraction and an opportunity to trust that God has a me and my projects in mind. He is well aware of my situation, and has a plan for me to prosper me and not harm me to give me a future and a hope. The loss of my car had just made room for me to get another even better car and Yeah I did. The situation penned out and now I have a better and even more reliable car....with tinted windows, a sunroof and a blue tooth system because God loves me like that...yeah devil take that "I am all that". Choosing not to give up or allow the slightest discouragement, I continue to move closer and closer, refusing to be distracted by little meaningless things. "I press towards the mark of the high calling" Phillipians 3:14 (NIV).

This particular scene might sound trivial, in some ways it is. It however meets the need in exposing the devil's tactics used to attack you and me.  There have been bigger challenges, targeting not only my finances, but my emotions, my family. It took me a while but I learned, the enemies target was not my money because he has access to much, neither my emotions because he doesn't really care for them, he didn't care for my family but the support system my family was for me, his target was my destiny. So he looks to dislodge my mental frame. He knows when I stagger in an unstable mindset I am unable to fully function in my work. He is well aware of the truth, "As a man thinketh so is he" Proverbs 23:7 (KJV) . He wants you to think you are useless so that you become useless. He wants you to think you are incompetent so that you actually become incompetent. He wants you to think that you will never make it so that you don't make it. He knows that in the fulfillment of purpose, there your success lies. His ambition is that you and I fail. I am aware more than ever that I must know who I am. I must stand confident that I am a success....I must choose to be secure in this truth and not allow any one or any circumstance to convince me otherwise.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" 1Peter 5:8 (NIV)....he is looking for you and me. It is our job to not be found. We must choose to do that which God has called us to do forsaking all other ambitions so we must be please the Father. In that place of reverent pursuit we are able to operate with no inhibitions.

Our weapons of warfare are not carnal but mighty in the pulling down of strongholds, where Destiny Pursuit is applied is a Battle Field. An idle mind need no attack, because it is a foe to its own self. But where there is vigilance, the friction that comes with movement must instigate heat. The hotter the battle the greater the victory.

James 1:2-4 (NIV), " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

This is my attitude today, I end where I started.....I consider it pure joy when I face trials because I develop perseverance which brings forth maturity and after its work is complete I win because I lack nothing. I must trust that no matter the circumstance, God has my back. He leads me forward in righteousness and defends me from behind from my foes, he walks beside in solidarity, executing His duty as a trusted friend. I MUST trust that he loves me enough to not allow more than I can handle. So when a problem comes my way I am confident that I can tackle it. I CAN, I MUST WIN!!!


Therefore friends I trust that you will understand the importance of resilience. Sure there will be moments of unstable emotion, there will be moments of failure but even then you can get up dust yourself and get at it again. YOU CAN, YOU MUST WIN!!!

Love y'all

~Penzi Amani~

MY STRUGGLE WITH UNFORGIVENESS.

It is preached on every podium "Forgive and Forget". I have preached it many times, but I have to confess, to speak it is one thing but to practice it...let's just say I have failed miserably in this test, many times. I do not glorify the practice....to "not forgive".... but I feel a need to be honest. Christian dogma places a mandate that I am perfect but I stand today guilty of imperfection because often times when confronted with instances demanding forgiveness I have made excuses. I have questioned why I should forgive, I have defended with valor my right to be offended and hold my offender hostage because they have committed an offense. Yes I know I used the word and its derivatives too many times in my sentence but it is to emphasize on what is really important to me in that moment, "The Offense". I am offended, I need you to acknowledge that I am offended, I need you to understand why I am offended and accept that you offended me. After you are done recognizing and accepting that I am offended, become sorrowful and accept that you have caused such inconvenience in offending me after which you should ask for my forgiveness, then and only then do you rightfully deserve a release from the offense.

It sounds like a tantrum doesn't it...I know, but don't we all do it? I would be lying if I said, I jump at every opportunity to be Holy and forgive because that is not the case. Many times I have deemed it impossible, I have even tried to justify my right to not forgive by claiming that only Jesus could do it, which I am not, every time I am confronted by another summon titled "What Would Jesus Do". To be a Christian is to come from Christ, just like to be an American is from to come from America. An American follows American culture, in that same way should a Christian follow Christian culture, which is not just following doctrine but following Christ. So again my I-Spiritual lights up and of course the banner notification is an I-message from my contact Holy Spirit to whom I just happened to have so accurately expressed my utter contempt and disgust at my ...wait for it... offender's actions and like a Good Neighbor, He is here.  He responds, "What Would Jesus Do". I have to say I am not surprised I have heard this before but still I can't help but think, " What???!!! Whatever happened to justice, Jesus is a just God and He doesn't like it when people hurt me".  I am determined to defend my cause so I quickly flip the pages in scripture because I must find a time and a place where even Jesus was offended enough to spit venom at His offenders in 'Holy anger'. What did you think I was going to do, spit perfume and roses? Don't act so surprised and please don't front a pious attitude either, you know what am talking about because you do it too.

YES, YES, I FOUND IT...I quickly txt, "Jesus called his offenders vipers, I can prove it Mathew 12:34....I just called him a cow. Which of these is better?"

He says, "He spoke of their vicious tongues. Read on a little further and see verse 36, But I tell you that men will give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

Quickly, I look to exhibit the genius I think I am so I say, "What about that time when he threw them all out of the temple? He whipped them and he even called them thieves. I can prove it John 2:12-16. Had he whipped them in the 21st century He would be charged with a capital offense- violence with a dangerous weapon, which might I add is a felony." 

He wastes no time to respond, " Keep going on to Verse 17, 'His disciples remembered what was written, zeal for your house will consume me'. Jesus was driven by the ambition to clean up the House of His Father so He please Him. What drives you, are you driven by the ambition to please your father or the selfish desire to hold your brother hostage, which by the way is not working so well for you because the burden on your chest is wearing you down. Are you getting any gratification in your unforgiveness?"

At this point, my defense is getting weak because my Friend here is making very strong points but I must try, if only just one more time. Maybe just maybe I will get leeway, justifying my right to be so angry.

This time I am not so confident, I take a different approach. I ask, "But isn't He a just God. How then can you tell me it is ok for people hurt me, accuse me falsely, gossip about me, break my heart (add the offense here, the list is endless). Your expectation is that I forgive and just walk away? Isn't there a cause, who will defend my cause?"

He responds with scripture oh too familiar. With a single note He says, "2 Corinthians 10:4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."

My walls crumbling down, the cry in my txt is almost audible. I say, "IT IS SOOO HARD!!!"

He responds to me with words soo comforting, almost as if He see's the tears running down my cheeks (He does see them, He is God, DUH #rollingmyeyes). He says, "I know...It was hard for me too. Mathew 26:38-39, 'My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death...My Father if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will but as you will.' Those whom I came for were going to beat and persecute me. I would not only bear the physical pain of being striped and nailed to the cross but I would also have to endure the emotional burden of betrayal from not only my enemies but also from my disciples. Those who I came for rejected me and instead handed me over to death. They insulted my very kingship, creating a crown of thorns and plastering a placard above my head intent to mock me.  How then, in the frailty of my human flesh, could I have possibly wanted to forgive them. Because of them I bore the inconvenience, the burden of sin in unforgiveness, that I need not bear in my stature as part of the God head. Naked and humiliated I thought to myself, ' I have every reason to not forgive, but in love I MUST' . In love I found the strength to say 'Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.' I bore the sin only for a moment but I released it in the next, committing my spirit's burdens into my Father's hands and He was SOOO ready to receive it."

At this point I am balling my eyes out, you'd think a tsunami had consumed my face because the streams have now flooded past their banks and now we have a replica of the Indian Ocean plastered on my face. Thank God for water resistant eyeliner, good riddance to my apple blush. The ladies know what am talking about sorry guys, *wink*. In this moment I cannot be more aware that my excuses are non-existent. I have to suck in gallons of love and in the beautiful process of exhalation called forgiveness, release my anger. I have to let it go. I do not feel like I should but I in love I MUST. I must do what Jesus did.

Forgiveness is not as easy as we often make it out to be, especially when our offenders refuse to acknowledge their offense. In my books, it just adds salt to the injury a.k.a. another offense. Unfortunately we live in a not so perfect world where some individuals just do not think like you do. Some will offend you intentionally and choose not to make right, others will do so without prior intention but are too arrogant to acknowledge the offense.

I therefore acknowledge the frailty in my human flesh that is unable to overcome the feat of rage and instead is overwhelmed. It is not in vain, an angel came to strengthen Jesus right before his arrest. I recognize my inability to overcome my weakness except I embrace a help. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.

Forgive today. do not continue in anger. I know you don't want to, I know you don't feel like they deserve it. If its any comfort they don't, neither did Jesus' persecutors. I tell myself, "I CAN, I MUST FORGIVE, so can you and you SHOULD!!!" Into my Father's hands I commit my Spirit.

Join me in the light weight of freedom

Yours Truly,

Penzi Amani

LOVE INCOGNITO - Mistrust the cost of Milk and Honey!!!

I shy away from this topic, matter of fact I have a tendency to camouflage my place in it. I thought I did a very good job until a friend called me out and said...."You have so much love to give you don't know what to do with it". Off course me being me...I blew it off as bologna. After which I changed the subject, lol. What I didn't say was those words literally stripped and exposed a very tender part of me that I REFUSED or rather tried so hard not to show.  My past has had its disappointments, they tell me its not so much, but it sure was enough to conjure my need to tuck it away neatly the part of me that loved wholeheartedly and guarded with such loyalty those it sheltered. Its gallant array I folded so tidy and locked safely in a box, hiding the key so far it would not be found. But that's the point, I don't want it to be found. I love incognito...showing it only in spurts. Just enough to be felt, not enough to be held on to. I guess it is what my friend caught on before saying..."you have so much love... you don't know what to do with it." Love so vigorous it cannot be ignored.

In fright I feign "no desire" yet my need to love violently pounds on my chest asking to be let out. In frustration it yelps, "HOW LONG, HOW LONG WILL I BE SHELTERED!!!" but my mind, my pride will not allow it. Memory of  the effects of heartache are still so vivid so I hold myself hostage. Slowly the rate of the poundings declines, fading away into a regular heartbeat. The shouts turn into little whimpers as desire succumbs to its defeat of just being regular. "Its called tough love", I tell myself, "soon enough you'll see I am saving you from the agony of deceit and rejection." Though reluctant, desire chooses to agree and there is a cold familiar silence as opportunity waltz' away.



My story is many women's story who have been hurt, neglected and abused. Their experience of near insanity, jolted them into the reality of their vulnerability. In the midst of the battle they realized the value of their sanity. Any force that threatens it is met by an even stronger force called will power. The ability to choose to participate in a certain activity. They say, "Where there is a will there is a way". Rightfully so, even though there be many inhibitions  to our abilities it is possible to still penetrate into a given territory only if you are a willing. In the absence of our willingness though well equipped with expertise, the rate of success in completing a given task is zero.

" But the men who had gone up with him said, 'We cant attack those people; they are stronger than we are.' And they spread among the Israelites the bad report about the land they had explored. They said, 'The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size.' " Numbers 13:31-32(NIV)

"...The land we explored devours those living in it." The statement that crippled a whole generation from experiencing milk and honey. After this they would go around in circles for 40 years, all but two surviving the ordeal and entering the promised land. How is this in coalition with my this story of love. I beg you to walk with me to the beginning.

It was a love relationship between God and Israel, full of promises and many engagements in the fashion of covenants. Often times the Bible refers to Israel as the bride and God the bridegroom. In many ways God salvaged Israel from many hardships including the famine that led them into Egypt. He saw to their favor in Egypt by sending and exalting Joseph, well in advance. Israel enjoyed many good things. This remained like so even after Joseph's death until another King who did not know him assumed the throne. This bride who once knew nothing but love and favoritism now suffered anguish in the hands of her lover turned oppressor. This continued for many years until finally her God adhered  to her cry and came to her rescue. While He drew her out of oppression she still remembered her wounds, her scars still confirming the validity of her memory.

She understood fully that she was no longer oppressed but trust was still an issue. Her oppressor once loved her and was kind to her. The words of Pharaoh when he learned from Joseph of Israel's need for a settlement, "Your father and brothers have come to you and the land of Egypt is before you; settle your father and brothers in the best of the land . Let them live in Goshen. And if you know any among them with special abilities, put them in charge of my own livestock." Genesis 47:5-6 (NIV). With this order Israel was saved from famine.

This same 'savior' would turn around later and oppress her for being prosperous. He would kill her children and burden her with hard labor. Does this sound familiar, loved and catered for by what seems like Prince Charming as he whisks you away from the world of loneliness (famine) only to later beat and oppress your emotions if not your body so he can tame you? Israel was familiar with kindness but was also well aware of how quickly romance could turn into abuse. So even though she followed her only hope out of slavery, she was unable to fully trust that her new Beau would remain true to her as they went further along in their journey. Hence her second-guessing behavior as they approached this new territory she was supposedly going to conquer. She needed to be sure that she was not being duped...NOT AGAIN!!!

Unfortunately her mistrust cost her...the land of milk and honey withheld, only to be given forty years later. In mistrust she delayed her place of rest instead holding herself hostage forcing her need to love to agree with her 'intelligent' sense to mistrust so she succumbs to what many women succumb to, silent defeat as opportunity waltz' away.



Evidently memory does not serve her "right". Instead it serves a disservice to the enrichment of her life. How then does she forget, how does she turn a blind eye to the scars on her face and on her back, how does she not feel the callous from the scars of her once broken heart, how does she turn off the ringing bell of insults drumming on her eardrums. She is free, no longer obliged to oppression. However memory of the process that was necessary, now bolts her down from progress. it took forty years of roaming for her to forget, her memory slowly dying off, and when she forgot she was able to walk in and seize the land.


 A dose of amnesia is so urgently needed because until we forget and stops reliving our experiences we are incapable of making the choice to fully love and trust the genuine people around us. In Israel's case her safety relied on her trusting her new Beau whose obsession was that she understand His loyalty towards her. His words, "How long will they REFUSE to believe in me despite the many miraculous signs I have performed among them?" Numbers 14:11 (NIV). Even though a deity, He was unable to override the one thing she has total control over, her Will Power. She must consciously choose to trust Him, otherwise all His attempts to express His love to her are futile.




LET IT GO, JUST LET IT GO. It so much easier to walk round with a free spirited than it is to walk around defensive and looking for error in everyone and everything. We often walk around with negative notions that we even miss the point in that which is good and healthy for us.
It happened there is not so much you can do about your past but you can still walk victoriously into your future.





So I made the decision to embrace the people around me, to cut the bars that inhibit me. "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 3:13-14 (NIV)  I will not lie it is very awkward. Having lived my life a certain way for a long time, the discomfort in change is inevitable and it will be for you too. I hope  you embrace. Start with the people sited right next to you, embrace them wholeheartedly. You never know who you meet, it doesn't have to be romantic, but they might just be the key to your promised land.




Its just a Diary of a Reforming Woman....Cheers to days of Milk and Honey *wink*!!!



Yours Truly,

~Penzi Amani~