It is preached on every podium "Forgive and Forget". I have preached it many times, but I have to confess, to speak it is one thing but to practice it...let's just say I have failed miserably in this test, many times. I do not glorify the practice....to "not forgive".... but I feel a need to be honest. Christian dogma places a mandate that I am perfect but I stand today guilty of imperfection because often times when confronted with instances demanding forgiveness I have made excuses. I have questioned why I should forgive, I have defended with valor my right to be offended and hold my offender hostage because they have committed an offense. Yes I know I used the word and its derivatives too many times in my sentence but it is to emphasize on what is really important to me in that moment, "The Offense". I am offended, I need you to acknowledge that I am offended, I need you to understand why I am offended and accept that you offended me. After you are done recognizing and accepting that I am offended, become sorrowful and accept that you have caused such inconvenience in offending me after which you should ask for my forgiveness, then and only then do you rightfully deserve a release from the offense.
It sounds like a tantrum doesn't it...I know, but don't we all do it? I would be lying if I said, I jump at every opportunity to be Holy and forgive because that is not the case. Many times I have deemed it impossible, I have even tried to justify my right to not forgive by claiming that only Jesus could do it, which I am not, every time I am confronted by another summon titled "What Would Jesus Do". To be a Christian is to come from Christ, just like to be an American is from to come from America. An American follows American culture, in that same way should a Christian follow Christian culture, which is not just following doctrine but following Christ. So again my I-Spiritual lights up and of course the banner notification is an I-message from my contact Holy Spirit to whom I just happened to have so accurately expressed my utter contempt and disgust at my ...wait for it... offender's actions and like a Good Neighbor, He is here. He responds, "What Would Jesus Do". I have to say I am not surprised I have heard this before but still I can't help but think, " What???!!! Whatever happened to justice, Jesus is a just God and He doesn't like it when people hurt me". I am determined to defend my cause so I quickly flip the pages in scripture because I must find a time and a place where even Jesus was offended enough to spit venom at His offenders in 'Holy anger'. What did you think I was going to do, spit perfume and roses? Don't act so surprised and please don't front a pious attitude either, you know what am talking about because you do it too.
YES, YES, I FOUND IT...I quickly txt, "Jesus called his offenders vipers, I can prove it Mathew 12:34....I just called him a cow. Which of these is better?"
He says, "He spoke of their vicious tongues. Read on a little further and see verse 36, But I tell you that men will give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."
Quickly, I look to exhibit the genius I think I am so I say, "What about that time when he threw them all out of the temple? He whipped them and he even called them thieves. I can prove it John 2:12-16. Had he whipped them in the 21st century He would be charged with a capital offense- violence with a dangerous weapon, which might I add is a felony."
He wastes no time to respond, " Keep going on to Verse 17, 'His disciples remembered what was written, zeal for your house will consume me'. Jesus was driven by the ambition to clean up the House of His Father so He please Him. What drives you, are you driven by the ambition to please your father or the selfish desire to hold your brother hostage, which by the way is not working so well for you because the burden on your chest is wearing you down. Are you getting any gratification in your unforgiveness?"
At this point, my defense is getting weak because my Friend here is making very strong points but I must try, if only just one more time. Maybe just maybe I will get leeway, justifying my right to be so angry.
This time I am not so confident, I take a different approach. I ask, "But isn't He a just God. How then can you tell me it is ok for people hurt me, accuse me falsely, gossip about me, break my heart (add the offense here, the list is endless). Your expectation is that I forgive and just walk away? Isn't there a cause, who will defend my cause?"
He responds with scripture oh too familiar. With a single note He says, "2 Corinthians 10:4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."
My walls crumbling down, the cry in my txt is almost audible. I say, "IT IS SOOO HARD!!!"
He responds to me with words soo comforting, almost as if He see's the tears running down my cheeks (He does see them, He is God, DUH #rollingmyeyes). He says, "I know...It was hard for me too. Mathew 26:38-39, 'My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death...My Father if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will but as you will.' Those whom I came for were going to beat and persecute me. I would not only bear the physical pain of being striped and nailed to the cross but I would also have to endure the emotional burden of betrayal from not only my enemies but also from my disciples. Those who I came for rejected me and instead handed me over to death. They insulted my very kingship, creating a crown of thorns and plastering a placard above my head intent to mock me. How then, in the frailty of my human flesh, could I have possibly wanted to forgive them. Because of them I bore the inconvenience, the burden of sin in unforgiveness, that I need not bear in my stature as part of the God head. Naked and humiliated I thought to myself, ' I have every reason to not forgive, but in love I MUST' . In love I found the strength to say 'Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.' I bore the sin only for a moment but I released it in the next, committing my spirit's burdens into my Father's hands and He was SOOO ready to receive it."
At this point I am balling my eyes out, you'd think a tsunami had consumed my face because the streams have now flooded past their banks and now we have a replica of the Indian Ocean plastered on my face. Thank God for water resistant eyeliner, good riddance to my apple blush. The ladies know what am talking about sorry guys, *wink*. In this moment I cannot be more aware that my excuses are non-existent. I have to suck in gallons of love and in the beautiful process of exhalation called forgiveness, release my anger. I have to let it go. I do not feel like I should but I in love I MUST. I must do what Jesus did.
Forgiveness is not as easy as we often make it out to be, especially when our offenders refuse to acknowledge their offense. In my books, it just adds salt to the injury a.k.a. another offense. Unfortunately we live in a not so perfect world where some individuals just do not think like you do. Some will offend you intentionally and choose not to make right, others will do so without prior intention but are too arrogant to acknowledge the offense.
I therefore acknowledge the frailty in my human flesh that is unable to overcome the feat of rage and instead is overwhelmed. It is not in vain, an angel came to strengthen Jesus right before his arrest. I recognize my inability to overcome my weakness except I embrace a help. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.
Forgive today. do not continue in anger. I know you don't want to, I know you don't feel like they deserve it. If its any comfort they don't, neither did Jesus' persecutors. I tell myself, "I CAN, I MUST FORGIVE, so can you and you SHOULD!!!" Into my Father's hands I commit my Spirit.
Join me in the light weight of freedom
Yours Truly,
Penzi Amani
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