HE IS OUT TO GET YOU: Where Destiny Pursuit is applied is a Battle Field, Our weapons of warfare are not carnal.

James 1:2-4 (NIV), " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Have you ever noticed that just when you make a step forward, just when you are about to breakthrough, a person/situation comes along to demoralize you? I know I have...just when I reach  a little further for my ambitions, just when I go an extra mile and I am enjoying the sweet savor of success. Then does my car decide to choke, or my phone falls down and breaks, or someone decides to make a smirk comment. If I counted the many misfortunes I have had to endure right on the verge of a breakthrough I would be right to consider myself accursed. I promise you, it sometimes feels like the universe is trying to convey the message, you are really not all that-Kula hio (bite that)!!!

Just the other day after a production that was huge for me....Am not going to tell you which, if you need to know check out my Facebook Fan page ~Penzi Amani~. Myself and the crew had an amazing time, shooting for the film production. I was on my way home....listening to my worship cd as usual. I am singing along, crying and speaking in tongues because, look at what the Lord has done. In my mind I am in a dreamer's palace...I can see my episode on MTV cribs. Please don't laugh...my dreams are VERY much valid. The ride is nothing out of the ordinary until I come to a red light.

So my car starts to bounce, but instead of moving up and down its jerking back and forth. At this point, I am thinking....I know I am not driving a low-rider, I sure didn't install no hydraulics. I have just had an oil change those Jiffy Lube people better not have given me low quality oil, I will sue them. All these thoughts are running through my mind, note I stopped praying and being thankful, I am now borderline cursing. Frustrated enough to do it but cognitive enough to keep my mouth shut. Y'all know what I mean, some of y'all let it rip. So my car gives up on me and I am like Jesus what should I do now. You know I ain't gat this, Lord help me.

I try to turn my ignition...no response...my dash has a beautiful array of orange and red colors. I try it again...this time the motorists behind me are not so happy every one is honking. I say to myself well they better plan to fly over me cause this car aint going no where. I understand their frustration but there is nothing much I can do. So I apply my hazard signal and try the ignition switch again. This time it starts up but it doesn't last long. I try a third time and phew its up, I hit the gas pedal, Oh My!!! Southbend, Indiana here I come. Driving a horse and buggy carriage feels like flying compared to this thing. I am literally driving at five miles an hour on a forty Mph speed zone.

I finally get it to a mechanic and after numerous tests/assessments the verdict is that my catalytic converter is blocked. Until that day I had heard of no such thing as a catalytic converter, am thinking it is something in the nature of a spark plug. Optimistic that there is a possibility for resolution I ask how much it is, the answer I get drops my jaw. We are talking $1500...I had driven the car for a while now and I knew full well the blue book value for the car was just a little over the stated amount. There was no way it made economical sense to fix the car. The wisest option would be to sell the car and purchase another but of course the car is broken so I wasn't going to get much from it if anything.
As if I didn't have enough responsibility on my plate here comes another...I have to buy a car. I need a car, see in the United States driving is not a luxury. Given the poor unreliable transport systems sweet heart, a car becomes your transportation lifeline or else you don't have a life because you're crippled in your house.

Frustrated, panic stricken, I am thinking...what to do, what to do, Jesus why now...In babyish voice I Go, " I tithe". Its true I do and I expect that God should rebuke the devourer on my behalf....why is he(the devil) devouring my car, like literally? I can go on and on...probably the write a novel, maybe a movie script and call it "The Car", but am sure you get where I am driving at. My point is I was basking in the goodness of success, a little glimmer of hope in me accomplishing something I really wanted to do. My moment is ruined...by this unfortunate event but what happens next is what really gets me...because while I am technically crying out to God and I am reminded that "All things work together for good to those that trust the Lord and are called according to His purpose". I identified the situation only as a distraction and an opportunity to trust that God has a me and my projects in mind. He is well aware of my situation, and has a plan for me to prosper me and not harm me to give me a future and a hope. The loss of my car had just made room for me to get another even better car and Yeah I did. The situation penned out and now I have a better and even more reliable car....with tinted windows, a sunroof and a blue tooth system because God loves me like that...yeah devil take that "I am all that". Choosing not to give up or allow the slightest discouragement, I continue to move closer and closer, refusing to be distracted by little meaningless things. "I press towards the mark of the high calling" Phillipians 3:14 (NIV).

This particular scene might sound trivial, in some ways it is. It however meets the need in exposing the devil's tactics used to attack you and me.  There have been bigger challenges, targeting not only my finances, but my emotions, my family. It took me a while but I learned, the enemies target was not my money because he has access to much, neither my emotions because he doesn't really care for them, he didn't care for my family but the support system my family was for me, his target was my destiny. So he looks to dislodge my mental frame. He knows when I stagger in an unstable mindset I am unable to fully function in my work. He is well aware of the truth, "As a man thinketh so is he" Proverbs 23:7 (KJV) . He wants you to think you are useless so that you become useless. He wants you to think you are incompetent so that you actually become incompetent. He wants you to think that you will never make it so that you don't make it. He knows that in the fulfillment of purpose, there your success lies. His ambition is that you and I fail. I am aware more than ever that I must know who I am. I must stand confident that I am a success....I must choose to be secure in this truth and not allow any one or any circumstance to convince me otherwise.

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" 1Peter 5:8 (NIV)....he is looking for you and me. It is our job to not be found. We must choose to do that which God has called us to do forsaking all other ambitions so we must be please the Father. In that place of reverent pursuit we are able to operate with no inhibitions.

Our weapons of warfare are not carnal but mighty in the pulling down of strongholds, where Destiny Pursuit is applied is a Battle Field. An idle mind need no attack, because it is a foe to its own self. But where there is vigilance, the friction that comes with movement must instigate heat. The hotter the battle the greater the victory.

James 1:2-4 (NIV), " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

This is my attitude today, I end where I started.....I consider it pure joy when I face trials because I develop perseverance which brings forth maturity and after its work is complete I win because I lack nothing. I must trust that no matter the circumstance, God has my back. He leads me forward in righteousness and defends me from behind from my foes, he walks beside in solidarity, executing His duty as a trusted friend. I MUST trust that he loves me enough to not allow more than I can handle. So when a problem comes my way I am confident that I can tackle it. I CAN, I MUST WIN!!!


Therefore friends I trust that you will understand the importance of resilience. Sure there will be moments of unstable emotion, there will be moments of failure but even then you can get up dust yourself and get at it again. YOU CAN, YOU MUST WIN!!!

Love y'all

~Penzi Amani~

MY STRUGGLE WITH UNFORGIVENESS.

It is preached on every podium "Forgive and Forget". I have preached it many times, but I have to confess, to speak it is one thing but to practice it...let's just say I have failed miserably in this test, many times. I do not glorify the practice....to "not forgive".... but I feel a need to be honest. Christian dogma places a mandate that I am perfect but I stand today guilty of imperfection because often times when confronted with instances demanding forgiveness I have made excuses. I have questioned why I should forgive, I have defended with valor my right to be offended and hold my offender hostage because they have committed an offense. Yes I know I used the word and its derivatives too many times in my sentence but it is to emphasize on what is really important to me in that moment, "The Offense". I am offended, I need you to acknowledge that I am offended, I need you to understand why I am offended and accept that you offended me. After you are done recognizing and accepting that I am offended, become sorrowful and accept that you have caused such inconvenience in offending me after which you should ask for my forgiveness, then and only then do you rightfully deserve a release from the offense.

It sounds like a tantrum doesn't it...I know, but don't we all do it? I would be lying if I said, I jump at every opportunity to be Holy and forgive because that is not the case. Many times I have deemed it impossible, I have even tried to justify my right to not forgive by claiming that only Jesus could do it, which I am not, every time I am confronted by another summon titled "What Would Jesus Do". To be a Christian is to come from Christ, just like to be an American is from to come from America. An American follows American culture, in that same way should a Christian follow Christian culture, which is not just following doctrine but following Christ. So again my I-Spiritual lights up and of course the banner notification is an I-message from my contact Holy Spirit to whom I just happened to have so accurately expressed my utter contempt and disgust at my ...wait for it... offender's actions and like a Good Neighbor, He is here.  He responds, "What Would Jesus Do". I have to say I am not surprised I have heard this before but still I can't help but think, " What???!!! Whatever happened to justice, Jesus is a just God and He doesn't like it when people hurt me".  I am determined to defend my cause so I quickly flip the pages in scripture because I must find a time and a place where even Jesus was offended enough to spit venom at His offenders in 'Holy anger'. What did you think I was going to do, spit perfume and roses? Don't act so surprised and please don't front a pious attitude either, you know what am talking about because you do it too.

YES, YES, I FOUND IT...I quickly txt, "Jesus called his offenders vipers, I can prove it Mathew 12:34....I just called him a cow. Which of these is better?"

He says, "He spoke of their vicious tongues. Read on a little further and see verse 36, But I tell you that men will give an account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken."

Quickly, I look to exhibit the genius I think I am so I say, "What about that time when he threw them all out of the temple? He whipped them and he even called them thieves. I can prove it John 2:12-16. Had he whipped them in the 21st century He would be charged with a capital offense- violence with a dangerous weapon, which might I add is a felony." 

He wastes no time to respond, " Keep going on to Verse 17, 'His disciples remembered what was written, zeal for your house will consume me'. Jesus was driven by the ambition to clean up the House of His Father so He please Him. What drives you, are you driven by the ambition to please your father or the selfish desire to hold your brother hostage, which by the way is not working so well for you because the burden on your chest is wearing you down. Are you getting any gratification in your unforgiveness?"

At this point, my defense is getting weak because my Friend here is making very strong points but I must try, if only just one more time. Maybe just maybe I will get leeway, justifying my right to be so angry.

This time I am not so confident, I take a different approach. I ask, "But isn't He a just God. How then can you tell me it is ok for people hurt me, accuse me falsely, gossip about me, break my heart (add the offense here, the list is endless). Your expectation is that I forgive and just walk away? Isn't there a cause, who will defend my cause?"

He responds with scripture oh too familiar. With a single note He says, "2 Corinthians 10:4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds."

My walls crumbling down, the cry in my txt is almost audible. I say, "IT IS SOOO HARD!!!"

He responds to me with words soo comforting, almost as if He see's the tears running down my cheeks (He does see them, He is God, DUH #rollingmyeyes). He says, "I know...It was hard for me too. Mathew 26:38-39, 'My soul is overwhelmed to the point of death...My Father if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will but as you will.' Those whom I came for were going to beat and persecute me. I would not only bear the physical pain of being striped and nailed to the cross but I would also have to endure the emotional burden of betrayal from not only my enemies but also from my disciples. Those who I came for rejected me and instead handed me over to death. They insulted my very kingship, creating a crown of thorns and plastering a placard above my head intent to mock me.  How then, in the frailty of my human flesh, could I have possibly wanted to forgive them. Because of them I bore the inconvenience, the burden of sin in unforgiveness, that I need not bear in my stature as part of the God head. Naked and humiliated I thought to myself, ' I have every reason to not forgive, but in love I MUST' . In love I found the strength to say 'Father forgive them for they know not what they are doing.' I bore the sin only for a moment but I released it in the next, committing my spirit's burdens into my Father's hands and He was SOOO ready to receive it."

At this point I am balling my eyes out, you'd think a tsunami had consumed my face because the streams have now flooded past their banks and now we have a replica of the Indian Ocean plastered on my face. Thank God for water resistant eyeliner, good riddance to my apple blush. The ladies know what am talking about sorry guys, *wink*. In this moment I cannot be more aware that my excuses are non-existent. I have to suck in gallons of love and in the beautiful process of exhalation called forgiveness, release my anger. I have to let it go. I do not feel like I should but I in love I MUST. I must do what Jesus did.

Forgiveness is not as easy as we often make it out to be, especially when our offenders refuse to acknowledge their offense. In my books, it just adds salt to the injury a.k.a. another offense. Unfortunately we live in a not so perfect world where some individuals just do not think like you do. Some will offend you intentionally and choose not to make right, others will do so without prior intention but are too arrogant to acknowledge the offense.

I therefore acknowledge the frailty in my human flesh that is unable to overcome the feat of rage and instead is overwhelmed. It is not in vain, an angel came to strengthen Jesus right before his arrest. I recognize my inability to overcome my weakness except I embrace a help. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.

Forgive today. do not continue in anger. I know you don't want to, I know you don't feel like they deserve it. If its any comfort they don't, neither did Jesus' persecutors. I tell myself, "I CAN, I MUST FORGIVE, so can you and you SHOULD!!!" Into my Father's hands I commit my Spirit.

Join me in the light weight of freedom

Yours Truly,

Penzi Amani

LOVE INCOGNITO - Mistrust the cost of Milk and Honey!!!

I shy away from this topic, matter of fact I have a tendency to camouflage my place in it. I thought I did a very good job until a friend called me out and said...."You have so much love to give you don't know what to do with it". Off course me being me...I blew it off as bologna. After which I changed the subject, lol. What I didn't say was those words literally stripped and exposed a very tender part of me that I REFUSED or rather tried so hard not to show.  My past has had its disappointments, they tell me its not so much, but it sure was enough to conjure my need to tuck it away neatly the part of me that loved wholeheartedly and guarded with such loyalty those it sheltered. Its gallant array I folded so tidy and locked safely in a box, hiding the key so far it would not be found. But that's the point, I don't want it to be found. I love incognito...showing it only in spurts. Just enough to be felt, not enough to be held on to. I guess it is what my friend caught on before saying..."you have so much love... you don't know what to do with it." Love so vigorous it cannot be ignored.

In fright I feign "no desire" yet my need to love violently pounds on my chest asking to be let out. In frustration it yelps, "HOW LONG, HOW LONG WILL I BE SHELTERED!!!" but my mind, my pride will not allow it. Memory of  the effects of heartache are still so vivid so I hold myself hostage. Slowly the rate of the poundings declines, fading away into a regular heartbeat. The shouts turn into little whimpers as desire succumbs to its defeat of just being regular. "Its called tough love", I tell myself, "soon enough you'll see I am saving you from the agony of deceit and rejection." Though reluctant, desire chooses to agree and there is a cold familiar silence as opportunity waltz' away.



My story is many women's story who have been hurt, neglected and abused. Their experience of near insanity, jolted them into the reality of their vulnerability. In the midst of the battle they realized the value of their sanity. Any force that threatens it is met by an even stronger force called will power. The ability to choose to participate in a certain activity. They say, "Where there is a will there is a way". Rightfully so, even though there be many inhibitions  to our abilities it is possible to still penetrate into a given territory only if you are a willing. In the absence of our willingness though well equipped with expertise, the rate of success in completing a given task is zero.

" But the men who had gone up with him said, 'We cant attack those people; they are stronger than we are.' And they spread among the Israelites the bad report about the land they had explored. They said, 'The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size.' " Numbers 13:31-32(NIV)

"...The land we explored devours those living in it." The statement that crippled a whole generation from experiencing milk and honey. After this they would go around in circles for 40 years, all but two surviving the ordeal and entering the promised land. How is this in coalition with my this story of love. I beg you to walk with me to the beginning.

It was a love relationship between God and Israel, full of promises and many engagements in the fashion of covenants. Often times the Bible refers to Israel as the bride and God the bridegroom. In many ways God salvaged Israel from many hardships including the famine that led them into Egypt. He saw to their favor in Egypt by sending and exalting Joseph, well in advance. Israel enjoyed many good things. This remained like so even after Joseph's death until another King who did not know him assumed the throne. This bride who once knew nothing but love and favoritism now suffered anguish in the hands of her lover turned oppressor. This continued for many years until finally her God adhered  to her cry and came to her rescue. While He drew her out of oppression she still remembered her wounds, her scars still confirming the validity of her memory.

She understood fully that she was no longer oppressed but trust was still an issue. Her oppressor once loved her and was kind to her. The words of Pharaoh when he learned from Joseph of Israel's need for a settlement, "Your father and brothers have come to you and the land of Egypt is before you; settle your father and brothers in the best of the land . Let them live in Goshen. And if you know any among them with special abilities, put them in charge of my own livestock." Genesis 47:5-6 (NIV). With this order Israel was saved from famine.

This same 'savior' would turn around later and oppress her for being prosperous. He would kill her children and burden her with hard labor. Does this sound familiar, loved and catered for by what seems like Prince Charming as he whisks you away from the world of loneliness (famine) only to later beat and oppress your emotions if not your body so he can tame you? Israel was familiar with kindness but was also well aware of how quickly romance could turn into abuse. So even though she followed her only hope out of slavery, she was unable to fully trust that her new Beau would remain true to her as they went further along in their journey. Hence her second-guessing behavior as they approached this new territory she was supposedly going to conquer. She needed to be sure that she was not being duped...NOT AGAIN!!!

Unfortunately her mistrust cost her...the land of milk and honey withheld, only to be given forty years later. In mistrust she delayed her place of rest instead holding herself hostage forcing her need to love to agree with her 'intelligent' sense to mistrust so she succumbs to what many women succumb to, silent defeat as opportunity waltz' away.



Evidently memory does not serve her "right". Instead it serves a disservice to the enrichment of her life. How then does she forget, how does she turn a blind eye to the scars on her face and on her back, how does she not feel the callous from the scars of her once broken heart, how does she turn off the ringing bell of insults drumming on her eardrums. She is free, no longer obliged to oppression. However memory of the process that was necessary, now bolts her down from progress. it took forty years of roaming for her to forget, her memory slowly dying off, and when she forgot she was able to walk in and seize the land.


 A dose of amnesia is so urgently needed because until we forget and stops reliving our experiences we are incapable of making the choice to fully love and trust the genuine people around us. In Israel's case her safety relied on her trusting her new Beau whose obsession was that she understand His loyalty towards her. His words, "How long will they REFUSE to believe in me despite the many miraculous signs I have performed among them?" Numbers 14:11 (NIV). Even though a deity, He was unable to override the one thing she has total control over, her Will Power. She must consciously choose to trust Him, otherwise all His attempts to express His love to her are futile.




LET IT GO, JUST LET IT GO. It so much easier to walk round with a free spirited than it is to walk around defensive and looking for error in everyone and everything. We often walk around with negative notions that we even miss the point in that which is good and healthy for us.
It happened there is not so much you can do about your past but you can still walk victoriously into your future.





So I made the decision to embrace the people around me, to cut the bars that inhibit me. "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 3:13-14 (NIV)  I will not lie it is very awkward. Having lived my life a certain way for a long time, the discomfort in change is inevitable and it will be for you too. I hope  you embrace. Start with the people sited right next to you, embrace them wholeheartedly. You never know who you meet, it doesn't have to be romantic, but they might just be the key to your promised land.




Its just a Diary of a Reforming Woman....Cheers to days of Milk and Honey *wink*!!!



Yours Truly,

~Penzi Amani~