SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE; What is really behind the Strip Shaming Incidents

It is 2 am and no sleep…instead I am writing. The image of the raping incident is still very vivid; I am unable to ignore the horrific incident, Strip Shaming/Public rape. If you watched that video there is no way you are not vexed. You’d have to be inhuman. It was a horror movie enacted in our capital, Nairobi.

While I am angry and disheartened because I question where humanity is headed, while the woman in me wants every person involved to pay the capital penalty for their actions, I find myself stepping into the shoes of this woman lying on the ground in fetal position, covering her face because she cannot believe the events are actually happening. They insult her but she it’s all a haze, she covers her eyes probably hoping she will wake up and it is just a dream.  Only to be jostled into panic because someone suddenly pulls her leg in one direction, because his thirst for the visual of her privates had to be quenched. Another comes and pulls the other leg, followed by another then a light bulb goes off. “Einstein” just had a “Eureka” moment, “Wanaume ndio hii pipa (Men I present the public trash can)”. She tries to fight them off but she is overpowered. Someone finally gets their hands-on practical lesson of how to stuff a turkey only they tried it on a human being. Disgusting right, I know?

Let me guess, she deserved it. After all she was indecently dressed. She asked for it.  Would someone post the before video, because I just realized I have not seen any evidence of this indecent exposure. I do see the men indecently exposing and touching them. We were able to record the during/after video, why’d you leave out the before story?

I was a form 2 student, after a day of assisting my mother with business errands she decided to send me home ahead of her with some groceries, which was not unusual. I did not have much fashion sense then. I had on a pair of jeans, we called them hipsters, a shirt and a hoody. I loved my sweats. For shoes I wore a pair of sneakers I bought from Gikomba. I had a cross duffle bag, which was the in thing at the time and in my hand I were some tomatoes and sukumawiki in a plastic bag. I walked from Ngara to Kariokor to find a matatu, there was traffic going all the way to town and it didn’t help that it was raining.  All of a sudden there was a black out. Thank you very much KPLC. If you know Kariokor, you know there is a camp of street boys that can turn on you any minute. So when it got dark I immediately got scared because I knew I was in trouble.

 I hear a voice from behind me say, “Sister, unaenda wapi (sister where are you going).”

I responded, “ Natafuta number nne (I am waiting for bus route 4)”

“OK ingia tutakupeleka (come in we’ll take you home)”, he said as he stepped out of the matatu and opened the sliding door wider for me to enter.

Just when I was about to enter I noticed there were many male shadows in the back which made me very uncomfortable, immediately the driver said, “ Apana haikai nyuma anakaa mbele (No she will not sit in the back she will sit on the driver’s passenger seat)”.

Immediately after he said that there was an uproar from the men in the back, “Wee wacha tunajua unataka tu kum-manga peke  yako”. They retaliated because they felt an opportunity had been lost.

Naturally I hesitated in getting into the matatu altogether. It was however going onto 8pm and again I am at Kariokor. The driver reassured me to get in and nothing would happen to me. I sat next to the door and I kid you not my hand rested on the door knob the entire journey. If anyone would pull a stunt I was ready to jump out and die on the roadside than be gang raped. The whole trip was very unsettling, because derogatory speech was made about me to the driver in response to my sitting next to him rather than in the back. This Angel of a man continued to reassure me that no harm would come to me. When I got to the final bus stop he saw to it I was in safe distance before he let me go. Very young and not knowing how to pray I ran home grateful for my savior the matatu driver.  This was one among many other events where I was fortunate to have someone, speak for me. Now a Christian I am aware God protected me and would not let my assailants molest me.

Let’s back track a little bit. Say I had sat in the back, what do you think would have happened? What excuse do you think they would have given? Would they not have said that I asked for it? Would they not have used my hipster as the reason for them raping me in the name of it being tempting? How many people would have stood up for me? I tell you what they would say. “She must have done something to insinuate that she wanted it.” “There must have sent ‘missed signals’.” “Why did she get in that matatu, didn’t she see it was dark inside?”  Instead of support, I would have gotten the brunt of the deal.

I count myself fortunate but there are many who were not so lucky. They were assaulted and then branded as whores. Instead of getting vindication and support they were turned away, in some cases molested again by Police Authorities.

I refuse to blame the stripping events on dress code, after all there is no proof the individuals were indecently presenting themselves. It is all hearsay. I know full well that it very possible such allegations were only made to turn away the real Issue. Victims that have come forth to speak on the attacks have one unanimous claim. Someone made a pass at them and they rejected it. The solicitors then turned ballistic and started ripping their clothes off, the genesis of their nightmare. Having grown up in Eastleigh, the “blame the woman” game is not foreign, so I believe these women. What’s unfortunate is very few harken to the victims cry, sad but true.

The disregard of the female sex among Kenyans is evident even in Parliament. I am curious to know how long it took to pass the Polygamy bill and waiting to see how long it will take to implement policies protecting women from these SEX CRIMES. No wait, there is a demand to ban clothing and pretty much decide what a woman is going to wear….hmmh I  don’t know about you but I hear dominate. Let’s talk about this Polygamy bill. When a man, your husband, decides to bring another woman to the household in the name of it being legal, what message is he really sending to you? Is he not saying you are not good enough? In taking on another bride without so much as a courtesy alert to you, is he not silencing your say in the home? Why is he taking on another bride anyway, what happened to being content? If he can bring another woman to your matrimonial home, no questions asked, then what of the financial decisions? The woman obviously would have no say after all the man can out of the blue decide to feed five other mouths in a whim. Is it also legal for a woman to find another husband to “fill the gaps” left unfulfilled by her current husband? I mean if we stand for equal rights then we should all be replaceable right? How then can we partner to build our homes if our women are unsettled in their own homes? Am I wrong in pointing this out as another point of Control and Manipulation because the woman must “behave” or she will be replaced? Let’s speak in condor, what instigates physical abuse our homes? Why should anyone feel a need to take matters of another person’s closet who they do not know into their own hands? Do you see a trend…it is all a tactic to control. I know, you will point out that events of domestic violence by women, I do not advocate for any form of violence except in self-defense, yes it is every person's right to defend themselves, but could it be these were women exasperated by years of ill-treatment? Think about it.

A woman should be able to voice indifferent opinion in every arena, be it in business, in church, in her home, in her community.  Forced submission is slavery. Allow a woman to freely give up her will and she will if she feels honored. Her voluntary submission is called Respect.

We might frown upon her representation of her members in some cases, but instead of a strike respond with a gentle touch. If a woman says no to an advance, a gentleman should graciously concede. To turn ballistic is a demonstration of hate and disrespect in the refusal to honor her will to not engage in dialogue. Even in the course of consent which then takes a turn where she changes her mind, the other party should concede. A woman has a Right to say No!!! Continued advances are inappropriate and should be labelled as crimes.

With that said I pray for the men, I pray for my government, I pray for my fellow women. I see much more than the issues at hand. I see a broken society  full of deep rooted issues. I see fear not only in the women but in men because they feel misplaced. They fear that if they allow the feminine voice to speak they lose their place as heads in their homes so they turn to oppressing tactics. If we are going to grow as a nation we cannot continue like this; we set ourselves back. We are all assets in community. We all need each other.  Men are visionaries, women execute the vision, but if we live in suspicion of each other’s vendetta how then can we work together. We should be able to trust each others ambition to be the betterment of society not selfishness. In resentment we are unable to work together as partners, which was and still is the original purpose of our existence.  As the oppressing tactics continue the woman will always fight to stay afloat. She will rebel because her person needs to be alive and will not embrace chains. Nurture it and she will concede to your will. Let’s meet each other half way. Let’s all get along.  Let’s love.

I will stop, I have spoken my piece.  (Breathe In, Breathe Out)

I wish I could do more, Lord Help Us!!!

Yours Truly,

Penzi Amani

 

LOVE 'EM, DON'T STRIP 'EM!!!

It has been a while since I last blogged. I guess it would be the unfortunate incident of a fellow woman being stripped naked in public in the name of "kufunza adabu"(discipline), that would instigate a come back.

I am appalled that in 2014 my fellow Kenyans choose to act so uncouth. It was my expectation that with the integration of technology and education, that we at least learn to employ the simple concept of being civil. I guess not. Evidently we missed a class or two. Or maybe what we need is a quick refresher course. My minute yet invaluable intelligence would lead me to google and from an online source (Dictionary.com) I found this very simple definition. Please allow me to indulge you in its light.

Civil (Adjective) : Adhering to the norms of polite social engagement, not deficient in common courtesy.

From the same source was this very well structured sentence. "After their disagreement, their relations were civil though not cordial."

 Both illustrations unanimously demonstrate this fact, to be Civil you need not agree with the other party. You need not even be excited about their company but you demonstrate Common Courtesy, deserved by simple virtue of them being human.

Note: To be Civil you need not Agree.

I admit, I do feel that we ladies do need to check our dress code. A longer skirt, an extra button wouldn't hurt but I also recognize that standards of decency are more of a cultural issue than a matter of religious protocol. What I consider modest/classy to another could very well be trashy. A pencil skirt isn't modest in every person's eyes. Some people feel we should wear mumus to look modest others find it highly unattractive. With these differences one thing rings true, it is impossible to govern dressing on the streets.

Dressing in itself is a way of expression.  What we should look to do is deal with inward issues which now reflect on the outside. Stripping and humiliating a woman, running their self worth down to the ground is not how we make it better. I have seen more plumbers cracks in my day than I care for, especially at religious events. Don't get me started on the discolored boxers, but does that warrant me pulling their pants down because I feel a need to "help" them give a free show? Absolutely not, Now I might buy you a gallon of bleach. The human being in me however must have a respect for the presence of another human being whether I agree with their presentation of themselves or not. For all I know they are probably wearing a hand me down and cannot afford a belt. Maybe they lack in basic Home Ed and it was just a case of color running over their white briefs/boxers because they did not know to separate the whites from the coloreds. Maybe they are simply unaware of how unkempt they look, the possibilities are endless.

Gentlemen, I call you gentle because I hope it sparks some humanity in you, did it ever occur to you that she lost a button from her blouse on her way out and just realized it while in a matatu and it was too late to get back home, or that she gained a few pounds and just does not have the money to buy fitting pants. I can hear you scoff saying "No Way", but I put it to you as a possibility that is very real. Until you get your conclusion from the horse's mouth you ride on speculation. Assumption is the lowest form of knowledge, Just when you think you know, You Don't!!!

I know many men that deliberately choose to show their knickers because in their minds they believe they are wearing shorts but I hate to break it to you. When you have washed it so many times, the fabric is see through. When we cannot bare to look at you directly because we are afraid we will have a perfect view of your huuhah, honey you NEED to pull up your pants.  Well we could choose to make you a public spectacle by shouting the suggestion "vuta suruali, unatuonyesha nini " and even follow it up with a sneer, but wouldn't it be a better approach for one of us to buy you a belt or better yet a pair of new pants just incase the problem is really a lot more than I can possibly comprehend or for you to communicate? An even simpler approach would be set you apart and let you know your privates are in public display.

I implore all humanity to participate in the simple act of employing grace in the form of simple courtesy. You don't have to say a word of hello but you DON'T NEED to hurl insults. You don't have to give a hug but you DON'T NEED to rip their clothes off either. It is not our business to reprimand dress code, REALLY!!! I promise you a simple gesture of a shawl to cover a skirt too short, or a jacket to cover an over exposed burst will do much more  than stripping an individual.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins " 1Peter 4:8 (NIV)

It is unfortunate that many Christian men applaud this very disgraceful act against these sisters,Yes they are your sisters. As if to say that grace accorded to these women is not sufficient for the act of indecent exposure. God forbid the blood of Jesus be applicable to this very heinous crime of showing some mammal features, but off course indulgence in masturbation and pornography in these accusers is definitely forgivable. After all nobody saw them, it happened in the "secret place" whose secrecy might I add is compromised fully by God's full nature of being Omnipresent. Forget the fornication that ended up in an unplanned pregnancy followed by total irresponsibility by act of refusing to assist in the rearing of the child they so happily helped create. Noo...it wasn't hard enough she had to carry the child for nine months but now she has to raise this child on her own, can I hear #Deadbeat. But off course she asked for it, she lay on that bed but we forget there was a farmer laying there with her ready to "plough" and "sow". Plough and sow he did like a pro because we now see the fruits he now refuses to tender to. But nooo lets turn away the side eye and give it to the young teenage girl who is dressing skimpy because she saw Beyonce in a corset and laces panties, instigating a misguided need to follow what's trendy. These same men secretly enjoy a Beyoncé video in the privacy of their homes #DoubleStandards.

Lets be serious! Lets be real! Lets be just! Aren't we all on the same boat? Aren't we all sinners going to hell? Since when did a man's righteousness save him?  The only thing salvaging us from fate, is Jesus and the sacrifice He made for us.

Come on people, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with that judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use it will measured back to you," Mathew 7:1-2 (NKJV). Are you really squeaky clean?


 I feel badly for these women, because I understand clearly the effect such abuse would have on their person let alone their reputation. I feel even worse for those who participated in and even supported such abuse regardless of them being male or female (yes you), because in their indignation they forgot the greatest virtue, love.  I pray that we choose to love and not hate. I pray that before we cast the stones we soo readily hold in our hands we first stop to look into the mirror.

"...Let him who is without sin cast the first stone...", John 8:7 (ESV)

 It is simple, "for all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God", Romans 3:23 (NIV). Therefore lets us deal with each others inadequacies with compassion respecting other human beings.

There you have it, my rant complete. Blessings y'all...<3 <3 <3

Respect,
Penzi Amani